The Best Advice I Ever Received
can still hear my dad’s voice reverberating across the dinner table...
“Nothing in life is free, Son,” he said, passing down some of his own hard-won wisdom to me. “But if you put your mind to something, work hard and do your due diligence, you will certainly succeed in tackling whatever challenges come your way.”
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“I know, Dad,” I said, continuing with an earnest question. “But what happens then?”
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“You appreciate how far you’ve come,” he said, before emphasizing. “And then you keep going.”
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It was some of the best advice I’ve ever received in my entire life.
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That’s what great advice does: It lifts you up and helps you unlock levels of your heart and your mind you never knew were there. It helps you show up more fully for yourself and others. It helps you claim your life as your own. But the best advice goes further. It is essential. It is universal. It is truth wrapped in carefully-chosen words. It doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from or what you’ve been through, the best advice removes labels and boundaries, traverses space and time and cuts through skin and bone to reach the heart of hearts buried within all of us.
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During these challenging and uncertain times, essential wisdom and excellent advice help us find perspective, shift focus and stay grounded. They show us what really matters. They restore us to right-minded thinking and wholehearted living—and break us out of our fog of fear. Right when we need it most.
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That’s why I’ve assembled the list of advice below.
May these truths be the light that call you through the mists of fear.
May they see you safely back to shore.
May they comfort you and remind you of what’s important.
Every single time you forget.
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1. Your life is your responsibility.
Please read this carefully, taking in each and every word: There is one person and one person alone over whom you have control in this life—and that is yourself. Since you are the only person you can control, you are the only person who can take responsibility for your life. That includes your energy, your happiness, your fulfillment, your career, your choices and more. You are responsible for you and you alone. You are not responsible for anyone else. How could you be? It is their responsibility to take care of themselves. Yes, you can and should support someone in making good choices, building a life that makes them happy, and taking care of themselves. In fact, taking responsibility for your own well-being is precisely how we are better able to be present for those around us. Just remember: Support and responsibility are two extremely different approaches. You take responsibility for yourself. You support other people. Do your best not to reverse or mix up the two.
Your responsibility for your life unfolds in the present moment. Not in some bygone era. Not in some future left untold. Not when you graduate. Not when you feel like it. Not when you reach a certain age or make a certain amount of money.
Right.
Now.
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This is not something to take lightly. It’s also not something about which to fret. This is a blessing. You get to be accountable for yourself. What a tremendous gift it is to be able to shape, craft, build, mold, and create your life! It is a privilege to have this responsibility. But it’s only when we recognize it’s ours and ours alone that we can actually seize our power.
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So, take responsibility for how you show up in the world. Honor the gift of life by exercising your right to consciously choose. Again and again and again. Dignify yourself by taking responsibility for your own well-being. It is yours to claim.
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Do not burden yourself by taking on responsibilities that are not yours. Focus on being responsible for yourself first. As you own this sacred duty, you will discover parts within you that you may have forgotten were there. This is how we rediscover ourselves. This is how we’re better able to show up for others. Giving to yourself is how you learn to give to others. Listen to yourself so you can better lend an ear to others. Be present with your emotions so you can better be present for the emotions of others. Put on your own metaphorical oxygen mask so you can better assist others with theirs. When you take care of Numero Uno, you’re better equipped to take care of everything and everyone else, too.
The responsibility is yours.
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2. The way someone treats you is a reflection of how they feel about themselves.
That cross look? Not about you. That snide comment? Not about you. That temper tantrum? Not about you. The way a person behaves indicates where they’re at physically, mentally, and spiritually. Try not to take things personally. They probably have nothing to do with you. Learn to see someone’s behavior through the lens of love. If they’re acting out, that probably means they’re in desperate need of a love tank fill-up.
Do not react when someone acts out. Ask her if she’s okay. Inquire about what’s going on in his life. Remain open and curious and compassionate. You know that’s exactly what you’ll want when your cup of love runs low, too. And you know it eventually will.
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3. Life is all about managing expectations—most of all your own.
The world will expect many things from you. And you will expect many things in return. The key is to manage its expectations of you—and yours of it. Going through life trying to live up to someone else’s expectations of you is how you end up disappointing both of you in the process. Conversely, trying to force the world to meet your expectations is like trying to make Niagara Falls flow backwards. It just doesn’t work that way.
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There is another way, and it’s through finding harmony between your expectations and reality. There is even a formula for happiness that takes into account this harmony. The formula is as follows: Happiness equals reality minus shifting expectations. Thus, you’ll be happy as long your shifting expectations are lower than reality.
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When you feel your energy or happiness slipping, focus on softening your expectations a bit. You’ll be better off not just in the moment but in the long run, too.
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4. When you know better, do better.